Our resident love gurus Vickie and Selina from Project Love are back ahead of their Werk It: How to Design a Life You Love workshop on 27th April at Frame King’s Cross to share their wisdom on quieting that negative inner voice we all struggle with so you can get on – with your day, your career, your relationship – with everything…
How do you speak to yourself as you go about your day to day?
Is it a loving, supportive voice or a more critical voice? The latter being a harsh task-master that holds up an impossibly high set of standards for you to meet. It’s quick to berate you when it feels you’ve done something wrong and is in constant fear that you will fail, be rejected or look like a fool if you don’t get things right.
This is the voice that we at Project Love call ‘The Sh***y Committee’. And we all have it.
It comes from that part of the brain which is focused on survival; that used to mean reacting when that lion tried to eat us, but it’s now adapted to it’s new modern surroundings and is fully occupied with social dangers – i.e. trying to avoid looking like a fool, looking like a failure or being rejected from the ‘tribe’. And so the overzealous Sh***y Committee watches your every move, terrified that you’re going to screw up – it is hyper-critical, a perfectionist and a pain in the arse…
At best it is a bit of a hard task-master and at worst it is a real bitch. It affects your mood, your relationships and ultimately the course your life takes.
So that is why at Project Love, when we are working with women to create lives and relationships they love – whether that’s through our online courses, coaching programmes or workshops – we always make sure they tune into their own personal Sh***y Committee from the very start and learn how to turn the volume right down.
3 Simple Steps to Turning Down the Sh***y Committee
Step 1: Get clear on what your Sh***y Committee is saying
Get a blank piece of paper and write down all the negative and limiting beliefs. Think about those dreams you have – what does it say about those? Think about your love life or your relationship… What does it say about your work and what you put out in the world? Or how you look?
The big thing to recognise about what you’ve just written down is that IT’S NOT TRUE. To disempower what the Sh***y Committee is telling us, we have to challenge all the negative and limiting beliefs that it is feeding us and find evidence to prove it WRONG.
And that is what this next step is all about.
Step 2: Find evidence to prove your Sh***y Committee WRONG
Next to each negative belief that the Sh***y Committee has had you believe, write down evidence that proves the opposite to be right…
Maybe your Sh***y Committee has been telling you that it’s too late to change career now. That you left it too late and now you’re stuck doing something because you weren’t brave enough to change your career earlier (yes, it can be vicious!). Go and find examples of people who changed career at the age you are now and older.
Once you start coming up with evidence to prove your Sh***y Committee wrong you’ll notice that what it is saying doesn’t get you so upset anymore and that is when you know it’s volume is starting to go down and it is losing it’s power over you.
Step 3: Turn up the volume on that loving, wise part of you
Once you start turning the volume down on your Sh***y Committee, it’s time to turn the volume up on the loving voice that you also have within you. The one that you use when you speak to the people you love. Start practicing speaking to yourself with that voice and you’ll find yourself enjoying your life a whole lot more.
Find out more about Project Love over at loveprojectlove.com and come and join them on 27th April at Frame King’s Cross for their workshop on ‘Design a Life You Love’.